Things in my marriage went from bad to beyond horrible. I can't write a lot about what happened because there's a criminal trial in January. I don't want to take a chance that anything I write somehow gets back to my soon to be ex-husband.
I've retained a divorce attorney and am working on getting the massive amount of paperwork together for the attorney.
My husband is living somewhere else. He was in jail for three days, but managed to post bail. I have no idea where he is now but he can't come with in 1,000 feet of me without a police escort. Of course, I'm not an idiot (in spite of what he has told me for 24 years). I know the TRO and no-contact order are just pieces of paper.
In a way, what happened to me last week at the hands of my husband, as traumatic and painful and as it was, turned out to be the best thing that could happen to me. It made me realize and accept that I'm married to a lunatic. The only thing I can do is get out while I still have my life.
I've been eating very healthy. I went to the gym yesterday. The first time in three months. I have a new reason to get healthy and strong. The next time a man attacks me with his hands and a gun, I want to at least have a fighting chance. I don't want to feel weak and helpless.
I'm learning to shoot a gun. I grew up in Alaska so I know gun basics, but I haven't shot a gun since I was 12 years old. I joined the shooting range and have been there three times this week. I took a 2-hour safety class with an instructor at the shooting range. The first hour was how to protect myself and avoid an attack. The second hour was gun basics and how to shoot. I've been back twice to target practice and get use to handling a gun. I purchased a gun, but there's a 10-day waiting period (six more days). I've also applied for my concealed weapons permit but there's a thirty day waiting period for it. I own a .44 Ruger Super Blackhawk pistol. My dad used it when he would hunt moose as protection from Grizzly bears. I practice with that but also the shooting range has many rental guns to use for practice.
I have plans to take Krav Maga classes, the official self defense system of the Israeli Defense Forces. Basically, it's how to fight back doing whatever it takes to protect yourself. I'm going to check out more about the classes this weekend.
I weigh 210 and by the first of the year I plan to be in the 190's. I've already decided I don't ever want to weigh 125 or 135. I'm thinking 155-160, but only if I can maintain a large amount of muscle mass at that weight. It's no longer how I look in my clothes or looking cute. It's now all about being as strong and powerful as possible.
My whole life has change, but please don't pity me. I'm sure you're thinking,"oh poor Diana!". Yes, poor Diana for taking 24 years of abuse from a crazy man, but I'm different now. A loaded gun to my head has changed me. I'm in survival mode now. I will get through this, and I will not let him win by killing me.
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