Thursday, December 13, 2012

I'm back....

I'm back....

It's been almost two months since my last post on Sept 2. It's been a very rough two months.

My marriage, which has had it's ups and downs over the years, reached a new low the past several weeks. It became so bad that I had a consultation with a divorce attorney. I learned some very disturbing things from her regarding what would happen to me financially. Without going into a lot of details, if I divorce it will destroy any hopes I had of a financially sound retirement. This is something I've worked towards for a very long time (I'm 57 and have been with the same company for 29 years). I've never felt more helpless and hopeless in my entire life to find out that everything I've worked for will be gone (well, more accurately, 50% will be gone).

I've still haven't decided what to do. After a weekend in a hotel, then seeing the attorney,  I returned home. It hasn't been pleasant. My husband changed the locks on the doors. I had to hire a locksmith to get back into my own house and have a police escort. That's just how bad it got.

After my father-in-law passed away the end of August, my husband lost his job the next week. During the same week he lost his job he fell off a ladder and broke his leg. It was a severe break that required surgery with screws and a steel plate. There's a lot more to this story than you're reading here, but some other things happened that caused our marriage to break beyond repair.

That, in a nutshell, is what's been going on with me. If you think your life is bad, just step into mine for a few days. You'll appreciate what you have.

Add to the above that I haven't even been near the gym in two months, I feel physically ill. I lost ten pounds and am down to 210, but it was from stress. I didn't lose it by eating healthy, but by being so freaked out about my life that I just didn't pay a lot of attention to food.

My plan the next few weeks is to just take it a day at a time. I can't walk around in a constant state of freak out. Tomorrow morning I'm hitting the gym in attempt to at least get some semblance of normalcy back into my life.

By the way, I'm dressing up as Nurse Ratched for Halloween. It just seems to appropriate. Remember this post, it was from October 24, 2008.

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