Monday, December 17, 2012

Not a good week

Not a good week

My first week back on Weight Watchers was a bust. I just wasn't into it. I thought my mind was ready to embrace exercise and eating right, but my lackluster efforts proved me wrong.

I really don't know what's wrong with me, but I feel completely exhausted all the time. Every day getting out of bed is a huge effort. Thoughts of going to the gym in the morning are quickly squashed when the alarm goes off at 4:30 a.m. I turn off the alarm, roll over and go back to sleep.

Some of my friends are telling me it's depression, but I don't feel unhappy. Actually, it's quite the opposite. My home is so peaceful and calm now that my husband is gone, that I relish in the silence. Since he's been gone (November 8), it's like an evil spirit has left the house. There's no screaming or anger or fear of being yelled at or fear of doing something wrong.

If anything, I'm much happier than I've been in years. Of course, I have the normal and some not so normal fears of getting divorced. There's the huge financial mess to deal with, a criminal trial for my husband that's scheduled in March where I have to testify. The fear of the unknown, like where will I be living in six months, as well as the fear that someday my husband will come back when I least expect it and do what he he threatened to do on November 8.

In spite of all of that, I think I'm handling it pretty well. I just don't know why I'm so tired. Of course, the weather isn't helping. The Pacific Northwest in December is hideous. Dark, raining ALL the time, dark, gray skies and it's miserably cold at a constant 42 degrees. Sometimes I wonder if the outside thermometer is stuck since it never seems to move, unless it's a few degrees colder.

I can't wait to get through this week. I'll be heading to Palm Springs on Saturday. That's Palm Springs, California. A few people have thought I was talking about Palm Springs, Florida. My Palm Springs is just a two and half hour flight, and when I step off the airplane it's like stepping into a slice of heaven. The sun and warmth do amazing things for my spirit.

My skinny girlfriend that I'll be staying with has already asked me what I wanted to eat to keep me on plan. She plans on stocking her fridge with Weight Watcher friendly foods. Which is what she eats normally anyway. Which is why she's a size six.

I'm only going to be there five days, but we have plans for a couple hikes in the canyon. I'm actually taking my hiking boots with me this time. The tennis shoes weren't sturdy enough as we climbed over boulders and some very rough terrain. Plus she walks every day for exercise.

I haven't mentioned my sister for a long time. I didn't see her for about six week in the fiasco that was happening in my life, but now I'm back to my regular visits. She's doing fine. She seems more content these days. Always smiling and laughing, rarely does she cry anymore. There hasn't been any improvement in her situation. She still can't talk and is completely paralyzed on her right side. I think after a year she's finally accepted this is her life and being the strong woman she is, she has decided to make the best of it. I guess I can take a lesson from my strong, beautiful sister...make the best of a bad situation.

Okay, off to work for me. I'm going to attempt to post in the early mornings this week. We'll see how that goes. 

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