Yesterday was the worst day ever

Yesterday was the worst day ever

After spending a very unpleasant day with my sister yesterday, trying to pull her out of her angry, sad mood, I was physically and mentally spent by the end of the day. We ate at Anthony's Homeport out on the water to celebrate her birtday. It was 88 degrees, and not a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful day. My sister was horribly depressed, and would barely talk. I never understand her anyway, but usually she at least tries to communicate. Instead, she just looked out at the water and cried.

Then we went to a movie, Hope Springs. Not a funny or happy movie. I should have read the reviews.

The radio/iPod player stand with speakers that I bought for her room that I thought she wanted, she pointed at it and to the door for me to take home. The expensive Korean cake made with fresh whipped cream and fruit, she didn't want anything to do with it, or the Baskins and Robbins handpacked pralines 'n cream ice cream. I told the caregiver to give it to the other five residents. My sister just wanted to go to bed at 5:30pm.

It was a horrible day with her. The wost one so far. I know her situation is terrible, and I know she's depressed about it. Sometimes though, she just sucks me down with her. I cried all the way home.

I was only home for twenty minutes then had to head to the airport to pick up my husband. For 25 minutes I listened to the stories of his dying dad.

When we got home, my husband asked about his cat, Mookie, a little 2-year old tabby he rescued when when was a newborn. I hadn't seen her since that morning. We found her in our fenced back yard under a lawn chair. She had a cut on her side and was bleeding. She wasn't moving.

We got her to the emergency vet within 30 minutes. We agreed to pay the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan. She'd been shot with a 22-caliber rifle. It ripped through her body from the upper left chest to her back right hip. That means the bullet traveled through her entire chest cavity, diagnally, from one end to the other.

Right now they're observing her at the clinic, but if she needs surgery, it'll be a $5,000 bill. I'm hesitating on this because that's a lot of money for a cat. On the other hand, I don't think my husband can handle losing her. This is his cat. She practically worships him. She only comes when he calls her.

We don't know how this happened but suspect our new neighbors that live behind us. They have a 12-year old son. They have an acre of land behind us, with a tree house that looks directly down into our back yard. We've heard him shooting a gun before, but never dreamed he'd shoot into our yard.

The 16-year old cat with renal failure has stopped eating anything, and is barely drinking. If she doesn't pass naturally in the next couple of days I'll have to have her put down.

I really don't know how much more stuff like this I can handle. 

PS...I just called and authorized the $5,000 surgery. This is on top of the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan, and ultrasound they did last night. I realized this is crazy, but my husband is losing his dad, I can't let his cat die too. It's only money, right?

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

Can't turn off the tears

Can't turn off the tears

It's like once I opened the flood gates, I can't stop! I've cried and cried today. Everything is making me cry.

My new optometrist made me cry. I actually told him I didn't like his attitude and was leaving. I left his office crying, with him running after me. I got in my car and drove away. With my pupils dilated, me crying like an idiot and the bright sunshine, I could barely see to get home, which fortunately was only about three miles from the clinic. Someday I might tell the whole story, but the doctor was a total jerk to me. However, he's the least of my problems.

The good news is that Mookie is going to be okay. She had the surgery and they found that the bullet had pierced her intestines in two places, fairly close together. They cut out a piece of her intestines and stitched it back together. Without the surgery she would have definitely died.

The bullet also clipped her diaphragm, which had just a tiny cut and is okay, and it cut through a small piece of her liver. Livers apparently recover well to being cut. Two more nights under the vets care and then she'll come home. The surgeon said she'll be fine. She's only two years old and was a very healthy, sweet and curious kitty. It's heartbreaking that someone would do such a cruel and evil thing to a helpless little cat.

I'm almost embarrassed that we spent so much money on a cat. I think a big part of it is that my husband's father is dying, and I just couldn't bear the thought of him losing his cat too.

I called the police this morning and unless we have proof that the person we think did it, actually committed the crime, there's nothing they can do.

My husband saw the new neighbor's kid (the suspect, about 12 years old) target practicing in his back yard about a month ago with a 22 caliber pellet gun. He was shooting the opposite direction of our house. They have a one acre lot filled with plum and apple trees, that backs up to our house. They also have a huge tree house that looks down, through the trees, right into our fenced back yard. We found Mookie laying in the middle of our back yard, curled in a tiny ball. This was yesterday at 6pm. It appeared she was shot in our own yard. We were both gone all day, my husband in Denver, and me with my sister.

I can't even begin to describe how angry I am about this incident. It's a big part of the tears. I'm so angry but I feel so helpless. I don't even feel safe in my own back yard.

The kitty with the kidney failure, well, I finally took her to the vet tonight and had her euthanized. She hadn't eaten for four days, and could barely walk. I think I waited too long. It was dreadful. I've been through this many times in my life, having pets put down, but this one was exceptionally bad. The vet couldn't find her vein. I won't go into it but what normally takes just a few minutes took twenty minutes.

I'm surprised anyone still reads my posts. They are filled with so much sorrow and sadness. Right now I feel my head is going to explode from all the crying. 

I read all your comments and you are all so kind to me. I feel like a big whiny, crybaby these days. When I read your comments it just makes me realize there are really a lot of kind and sweet people in this world. Thank you.

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

Can't turn off the tears

Can't turn off the tears

It's like once I opened the flood gates, I can't stop! I've cried and cried today. Everything is making me cry.

My new optometrist made me cry. I actually told him I didn't like his attitude and was leaving. I left his office crying, with him running after me. I got in my car and drove away. With my pupils dilated, me crying like an idiot and the bright sunshine, I could barely see to get home, which fortunately was only about three miles from the clinic. Someday I might tell the whole story, but the doctor was a total jerk to me. However, he's the least of my problems.

The good news is that Mookie is going to be okay. She had the surgery and they found that the bullet had pierced her intestines in two places, fairly close together. They cut out a piece of her intestines and stitched it back together. Without the surgery she would have definitely died.

The bullet also clipped her diaphragm, which had just a tiny cut and is okay, and it cut through a small piece of her liver. Livers apparently recover well to being cut. Two more nights under the vets care and then she'll come home. The surgeon said she'll be fine. She's only two years old and was a very healthy, sweet and curious kitty. It's heartbreaking that someone would do such a cruel and evil thing to a helpless little cat.

I'm almost embarrassed that we spent so much money on a cat. I think a big part of it is that my husband's father is dying, and I just couldn't bear the thought of him losing his cat too.

I called the police this morning and unless we have proof that the person we think did it, actually committed the crime, there's nothing they can do.

My husband saw the new neighbor's kid (the suspect, about 12 years old) target practicing in his back yard about a month ago with a 22 caliber pellet gun. He was shooting the opposite direction of our house. They have a one acre lot filled with plum and apple trees, that backs up to our house. They also have a huge tree house that looks down, through the trees, right into our fenced back yard. We found Mookie laying in the middle of our back yard, curled in a tiny ball. This was yesterday at 6pm. It appeared she was shot in our own yard. We were both gone all day, my husband in Denver, and me with my sister.

I can't even begin to describe how angry I am about this incident. It's a big part of the tears. I'm so angry but I feel so helpless. I don't even feel safe in my own back yard.

The kitty with the kidney failure, well, I finally took her to the vet tonight and had her euthanized. She hadn't eaten for four days, and could barely walk. I think I waited too long. It was dreadful. I've been through this many times in my life, having pets put down, but this one was exceptionally bad. The vet couldn't find her vein. I won't go into it but what normally takes just a few minutes took twenty minutes.

I'm surprised anyone still reads my posts. They are filled with so much sorrow and sadness. Right now I feel my head is going to explode from all the crying. 

I read all your comments and you are all so kind to me. I feel like a big whiny, crybaby these days. When I read your comments it just makes me realize there are really a lot of kind and sweet people in this world. Thank you.

A rollercoaster of emotions

A rollercoaster of emotions

Mookie came home today. She's currently snuggled with my husband, both are sleeping. He is her number one true love. I'm a distant second in her group of favorite people.

After a scare yesterday that Mookie had relapsed after surgery and was going to die (miscommunication by the "client information specialist"), the surgeon called me to tell me Mookie was doing amazingly well and could come home today. Of course, this was after three hours of me thinking she was going to die. I couldn't stop crying and decided to not tell my husband until I knew for sure. Thank goodness I waited. Why put him through even more torture.

I worked from home so I could be with Mookie all day. After a 2 1/2 hour round trip drive to North Seattle to retrieve her from the vet, she is as rambunctious and curious as ever, and very cuddly, even with me. If her entire underside wasn't shaved and she didn't have a four-inch incision on her tiny tummy, you'd never know she was was shot with a 22 on Sunday and had major surgery on Monday. She even managed to pull off her cone twice today.

My husband's father will probably only last a couple more days. We've heard this before, but this time he said it was different. His nephew, his sister, and his father's doctor called him. After a month in the hospice, it sounds like the end is very close for his father. Of course, my husband is devastated.

I don't know. What do you think, was this worth $5,000? I think so. 

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

Yesterday was the worst day ever

Yesterday was the worst day ever

After spending a very unpleasant day with my sister yesterday, trying to pull her out of her angry, sad mood, I was physically and mentally spent by the end of the day. We ate at Anthony's Homeport out on the water to celebrate her birtday. It was 88 degrees, and not a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful day. My sister was horribly depressed, and would barely talk. I never understand her anyway, but usually she at least tries to communicate. Instead, she just looked out at the water and cried.

Then we went to a movie, Hope Springs. Not a funny or happy movie. I should have read the reviews.

The radio/iPod player stand with speakers that I bought for her room that I thought she wanted, she pointed at it and to the door for me to take home. The expensive Korean cake made with fresh whipped cream and fruit, she didn't want anything to do with it, or the Baskins and Robbins handpacked pralines 'n cream ice cream. I told the caregiver to give it to the other five residents. My sister just wanted to go to bed at 5:30pm.

It was a horrible day with her. The wost one so far. I know her situation is terrible, and I know she's depressed about it. Sometimes though, she just sucks me down with her. I cried all the way home.

I was only home for twenty minutes then had to head to the airport to pick up my husband. For 25 minutes I listened to the stories of his dying dad.

When we got home, my husband asked about his cat, Mookie, a little 2-year old tabby he rescued when when was a newborn. I hadn't seen her since that morning. We found her in our fenced back yard under a lawn chair. She had a cut on her side and was bleeding. She wasn't moving.

We got her to the emergency vet within 30 minutes. We agreed to pay the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan. She'd been shot with a 22-caliber rifle. It ripped through her body from the upper left chest to her back right hip. That means the bullet traveled through her entire chest cavity, diagnally, from one end to the other.

Right now they're observing her at the clinic, but if she needs surgery, it'll be a $5,000 bill. I'm hesitating on this because that's a lot of money for a cat. On the other hand, I don't think my husband can handle losing her. This is his cat. She practically worships him. She only comes when he calls her.

We don't know how this happened but suspect our new neighbors that live behind us. They have a 12-year old son. They have an acre of land behind us, with a tree house that looks directly down into our back yard. We've heard him shooting a gun before, but never dreamed he'd shoot into our yard.

The 16-year old cat with renal failure has stopped eating anything, and is barely drinking. If she doesn't pass naturally in the next couple of days I'll have to have her put down.

I really don't know how much more stuff like this I can handle. 

PS...I just called and authorized the $5,000 surgery. This is on top of the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan, and ultrasound they did last night. I realized this is crazy, but my husband is losing his dad, I can't let his cat die too. It's only money, right?

Can't turn off the tears

Can't turn off the tears

It's like once I opened the flood gates, I can't stop! I've cried and cried today. Everything is making me cry.

My new optometrist made me cry. I actually told him I didn't like his attitude and was leaving. I left his office crying, with him running after me. I got in my car and drove away. With my pupils dilated, me crying like an idiot and the bright sunshine, I could barely see to get home, which fortunately was only about three miles from the clinic. Someday I might tell the whole story, but the doctor was a total jerk to me. However, he's the least of my problems.

The good news is that Mookie is going to be okay. She had the surgery and they found that the bullet had pierced her intestines in two places, fairly close together. They cut out a piece of her intestines and stitched it back together. Without the surgery she would have definitely died.

The bullet also clipped her diaphragm, which had just a tiny cut and is okay, and it cut through a small piece of her liver. Livers apparently recover well to being cut. Two more nights under the vets care and then she'll come home. The surgeon said she'll be fine. She's only two years old and was a very healthy, sweet and curious kitty. It's heartbreaking that someone would do such a cruel and evil thing to a helpless little cat.

I'm almost embarrassed that we spent so much money on a cat. I think a big part of it is that my husband's father is dying, and I just couldn't bear the thought of him losing his cat too.

I called the police this morning and unless we have proof that the person we think did it, actually committed the crime, there's nothing they can do.

My husband saw the new neighbor's kid (the suspect, about 12 years old) target practicing in his back yard about a month ago with a 22 caliber pellet gun. He was shooting the opposite direction of our house. They have a one acre lot filled with plum and apple trees, that backs up to our house. They also have a huge tree house that looks down, through the trees, right into our fenced back yard. We found Mookie laying in the middle of our back yard, curled in a tiny ball. This was yesterday at 6pm. It appeared she was shot in our own yard. We were both gone all day, my husband in Denver, and me with my sister.

I can't even begin to describe how angry I am about this incident. It's a big part of the tears. I'm so angry but I feel so helpless. I don't even feel safe in my own back yard.

The kitty with the kidney failure, well, I finally took her to the vet tonight and had her euthanized. She hadn't eaten for four days, and could barely walk. I think I waited too long. It was dreadful. I've been through this many times in my life, having pets put down, but this one was exceptionally bad. The vet couldn't find her vein. I won't go into it but what normally takes just a few minutes took twenty minutes.

I'm surprised anyone still reads my posts. They are filled with so much sorrow and sadness. Right now I feel my head is going to explode from all the crying. 

I read all your comments and you are all so kind to me. I feel like a big whiny, crybaby these days. When I read your comments it just makes me realize there are really a lot of kind and sweet people in this world. Thank you.

Yesterday was the worst day ever

Yesterday was the worst day ever

After spending a very unpleasant day with my sister yesterday, trying to pull her out of her angry, sad mood, I was physically and mentally spent by the end of the day. We ate at Anthony's Homeport out on the water to celebrate her birtday. It was 88 degrees, and not a cloud in the sky. It was a beautiful day. My sister was horribly depressed, and would barely talk. I never understand her anyway, but usually she at least tries to communicate. Instead, she just looked out at the water and cried.

Then we went to a movie, Hope Springs. Not a funny or happy movie. I should have read the reviews.

The radio/iPod player stand with speakers that I bought for her room that I thought she wanted, she pointed at it and to the door for me to take home. The expensive Korean cake made with fresh whipped cream and fruit, she didn't want anything to do with it, or the Baskins and Robbins handpacked pralines 'n cream ice cream. I told the caregiver to give it to the other five residents. My sister just wanted to go to bed at 5:30pm.

It was a horrible day with her. The wost one so far. I know her situation is terrible, and I know she's depressed about it. Sometimes though, she just sucks me down with her. I cried all the way home.

I was only home for twenty minutes then had to head to the airport to pick up my husband. For 25 minutes I listened to the stories of his dying dad.

When we got home, my husband asked about his cat, Mookie, a little 2-year old tabby he rescued when when was a newborn. I hadn't seen her since that morning. We found her in our fenced back yard under a lawn chair. She had a cut on her side and was bleeding. She wasn't moving.

We got her to the emergency vet within 30 minutes. We agreed to pay the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan. She'd been shot with a 22-caliber rifle. It ripped through her body from the upper left chest to her back right hip. That means the bullet traveled through her entire chest cavity, diagnally, from one end to the other.

Right now they're observing her at the clinic, but if she needs surgery, it'll be a $5,000 bill. I'm hesitating on this because that's a lot of money for a cat. On the other hand, I don't think my husband can handle losing her. This is his cat. She practically worships him. She only comes when he calls her.

We don't know how this happened but suspect our new neighbors that live behind us. They have a 12-year old son. They have an acre of land behind us, with a tree house that looks directly down into our back yard. We've heard him shooting a gun before, but never dreamed he'd shoot into our yard.

The 16-year old cat with renal failure has stopped eating anything, and is barely drinking. If she doesn't pass naturally in the next couple of days I'll have to have her put down.

I really don't know how much more stuff like this I can handle. 

PS...I just called and authorized the $5,000 surgery. This is on top of the $1,000 for the x-rays and CAT scan, and ultrasound they did last night. I realized this is crazy, but my husband is losing his dad, I can't let his cat die too. It's only money, right?

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

A breakdown

A breakdown

I can't remember the last time I cried. It's been months. This morning I just lost it. I cried until there were no more tears.

It's Saturday, and as I have every Saturday for the past ten weeks, I got up at 4:30am to make sure my husband got up and got ready for his weekly trip to Denver to see his dying father in the Denver Hospice. He was in an incredibly bad mood this morning. I can't blame him though. He works full-time, with a two-three hour commute each day. Then he has to fly Seattle to Denver and back every weekend, and visit with his dying father. It's almost too much for one person to bear.

I dropped him at the airport at 6am, his flight is at 7:35am. He travels standby on my flight benefits, and this flight has been oversold every Saturday. Somehow, by the grace of God, he gets the very last seat. It's happened over and over, and again today.

I came home and tried to get my dying 16-year old cat to eat something. She's in kidney failure and is down to four pounds (she was 8 pounds). The vet assures me she's not in any pain, but I've noticed she's starting to have trouble walking and she's barely eating or drinking. She won't eat the special food the vet prescribed, and now she's only eating tiny bits of chicken and baby food. I know the time is near.

Then I checked my emails. I had a companion grave marker made and shipped to Fairbanks for my brother-in-law that passed away two years ago, and for my sister when she eventually passes. My brother-in-law's ashes are in the possession of my craziest niece. The one that calls me a selfish bitch to anyone that will listen. I've been sending her and her husband emails requesting they turn the ashes over to the owner of the cemetery so they can be interred and the grave marker installed. No responses to my emails. I may have to have the grave marker installed without my brother-in-laws ashes.

Tomorrow is my sister's 74th birthday. I need to go shopping for a few gifts, and get her a cake, flowers and balloons. I'll take her out to lunch tomorrow and then a movie, Hope Springs (looks cute). The weather is suppose to be nice so I thought we'd go for a walk down by the water. Then back to the home for dinner. cake and ice cream. I've decided not to keep her out so late anymore. It's just too much for both of us.

I am incredibly sad today. I'm feeling like death, sickness and dysfunction surrounds me. I know this isn't  a healthy attitude, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this dark hole I've fallen into. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm feeling a wave of sadness that I haven't felt in a long time.

Today I'm going to try out my new cycling shoes at the gym. I found a video on how the SPD cleats clip onto the pedals. Thank goodness I watched the video or I would never have figured it out. There's a 9:15am class I'm contemplating. I know if I go, it will most likely shake me out of this mood I'm in today. I haven't been to the gym since last weekend. That's probably a big reason why I'm feeling so sad.

That being said, I will now hit the publish button, get dressed in my workout clothes and head to the gym.

A breakdown

A breakdown

I can't remember the last time I cried. It's been months. This morning I just lost it. I cried until there were no more tears.

It's Saturday, and as I have every Saturday for the past ten weeks, I got up at 4:30am to make sure my husband got up and got ready for his weekly trip to Denver to see his dying father in the Denver Hospice. He was in an incredibly bad mood this morning. I can't blame him though. He works full-time, with a two-three hour commute each day. Then he has to fly Seattle to Denver and back every weekend, and visit with his dying father. It's almost too much for one person to bear.

I dropped him at the airport at 6am, his flight is at 7:35am. He travels standby on my flight benefits, and this flight has been oversold every Saturday. Somehow, by the grace of God, he gets the very last seat. It's happened over and over, and again today.

I came home and tried to get my dying 16-year old cat to eat something. She's in kidney failure and is down to four pounds (she was 8 pounds). The vet assures me she's not in any pain, but I've noticed she's starting to have trouble walking and she's barely eating or drinking. She won't eat the special food the vet prescribed, and now she's only eating tiny bits of chicken and baby food. I know the time is near.

Then I checked my emails. I had a companion grave marker made and shipped to Fairbanks for my brother-in-law that passed away two years ago, and for my sister when she eventually passes. My brother-in-law's ashes are in the possession of my craziest niece. The one that calls me a selfish bitch to anyone that will listen. I've been sending her and her husband emails requesting they turn the ashes over to the owner of the cemetery so they can be interred and the grave marker installed. No responses to my emails. I may have to have the grave marker installed without my brother-in-laws ashes.

Tomorrow is my sister's 74th birthday. I need to go shopping for a few gifts, and get her a cake, flowers and balloons. I'll take her out to lunch tomorrow and then a movie, Hope Springs (looks cute). The weather is suppose to be nice so I thought we'd go for a walk down by the water. Then back to the home for dinner. cake and ice cream. I've decided not to keep her out so late anymore. It's just too much for both of us.

I am incredibly sad today. I'm feeling like death, sickness and dysfunction surrounds me. I know this isn't  a healthy attitude, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this dark hole I've fallen into. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm feeling a wave of sadness that I haven't felt in a long time.

Today I'm going to try out my new cycling shoes at the gym. I found a video on how the SPD cleats clip onto the pedals. Thank goodness I watched the video or I would never have figured it out. There's a 9:15am class I'm contemplating. I know if I go, it will most likely shake me out of this mood I'm in today. I haven't been to the gym since last weekend. That's probably a big reason why I'm feeling so sad.

That being said, I will now hit the publish button, get dressed in my workout clothes and head to the gym.

What a difference an hour made

What a difference an hour made

I went to spinning class and stayed for the entire hour. . I was sure I was going to have a heart attack and die on the spot!

It was really hard, but the instructor was awesome. She kept saying things like "if you don't challenge yourself, you won't make a difference in your body". Almost every song she played is on my current iPod playlist, so the music was great.

I love my new cycling shoes with the SPD cleats. I got to class early and the instructor showed me how to attach my shoes to the pedals. The first few tries was a lot harder than it looked in the video, but it's really easy once you do it a few times. I think it really does make a difference in how I worked my leg muscles. When I got home, a six-minute drive, I could barely get out of the car.

My attitude did a 180 after the class. It's true about the endorphins. I walked out of the gym and into the warm sunshine, with a slight breeze, and thought...LIFE IS GOOD!

There's sadness all around me right now, but that's life. Into every life a little rain must fall, right?  I've certainly had my share of sadness this past year, but we all do. No one has a perfect life. It just makes me appreciate the good things even more.

Regarding my weight, I don't even know what it is right now. I haven't weighed in a week, but I'm sure I'm up several pounds. This past week was harder than most. I didn't exercise or eat right last week, but starting this morning I'm back on track.

Life is hard sometimes, no doubt about it.

A breakdown

A breakdown

I can't remember the last time I cried. It's been months. This morning I just lost it. I cried until there were no more tears.

It's Saturday, and as I have every Saturday for the past ten weeks, I got up at 4:30am to make sure my husband got up and got ready for his weekly trip to Denver to see his dying father in the Denver Hospice. He was in an incredibly bad mood this morning. I can't blame him though. He works full-time, with a two-three hour commute each day. Then he has to fly Seattle to Denver and back every weekend, and visit with his dying father. It's almost too much for one person to bear.

I dropped him at the airport at 6am, his flight is at 7:35am. He travels standby on my flight benefits, and this flight has been oversold every Saturday. Somehow, by the grace of God, he gets the very last seat. It's happened over and over, and again today.

I came home and tried to get my dying 16-year old cat to eat something. She's in kidney failure and is down to four pounds (she was 8 pounds). The vet assures me she's not in any pain, but I've noticed she's starting to have trouble walking and she's barely eating or drinking. She won't eat the special food the vet prescribed, and now she's only eating tiny bits of chicken and baby food. I know the time is near.

Then I checked my emails. I had a companion grave marker made and shipped to Fairbanks for my brother-in-law that passed away two years ago, and for my sister when she eventually passes. My brother-in-law's ashes are in the possession of my craziest niece. The one that calls me a selfish bitch to anyone that will listen. I've been sending her and her husband emails requesting they turn the ashes over to the owner of the cemetery so they can be interred and the grave marker installed. No responses to my emails. I may have to have the grave marker installed without my brother-in-laws ashes.

Tomorrow is my sister's 74th birthday. I need to go shopping for a few gifts, and get her a cake, flowers and balloons. I'll take her out to lunch tomorrow and then a movie, Hope Springs (looks cute). The weather is suppose to be nice so I thought we'd go for a walk down by the water. Then back to the home for dinner. cake and ice cream. I've decided not to keep her out so late anymore. It's just too much for both of us.

I am incredibly sad today. I'm feeling like death, sickness and dysfunction surrounds me. I know this isn't  a healthy attitude, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this dark hole I've fallen into. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm feeling a wave of sadness that I haven't felt in a long time.

Today I'm going to try out my new cycling shoes at the gym. I found a video on how the SPD cleats clip onto the pedals. Thank goodness I watched the video or I would never have figured it out. There's a 9:15am class I'm contemplating. I know if I go, it will most likely shake me out of this mood I'm in today. I haven't been to the gym since last weekend. That's probably a big reason why I'm feeling so sad.

That being said, I will now hit the publish button, get dressed in my workout clothes and head to the gym.

A breakdown

A breakdown

I can't remember the last time I cried. It's been months. This morning I just lost it. I cried until there were no more tears.

It's Saturday, and as I have every Saturday for the past ten weeks, I got up at 4:30am to make sure my husband got up and got ready for his weekly trip to Denver to see his dying father in the Denver Hospice. He was in an incredibly bad mood this morning. I can't blame him though. He works full-time, with a two-three hour commute each day. Then he has to fly Seattle to Denver and back every weekend, and visit with his dying father. It's almost too much for one person to bear.

I dropped him at the airport at 6am, his flight is at 7:35am. He travels standby on my flight benefits, and this flight has been oversold every Saturday. Somehow, by the grace of God, he gets the very last seat. It's happened over and over, and again today.

I came home and tried to get my dying 16-year old cat to eat something. She's in kidney failure and is down to four pounds (she was 8 pounds). The vet assures me she's not in any pain, but I've noticed she's starting to have trouble walking and she's barely eating or drinking. She won't eat the special food the vet prescribed, and now she's only eating tiny bits of chicken and baby food. I know the time is near.

Then I checked my emails. I had a companion grave marker made and shipped to Fairbanks for my brother-in-law that passed away two years ago, and for my sister when she eventually passes. My brother-in-law's ashes are in the possession of my craziest niece. The one that calls me a selfish bitch to anyone that will listen. I've been sending her and her husband emails requesting they turn the ashes over to the owner of the cemetery so they can be interred and the grave marker installed. No responses to my emails. I may have to have the grave marker installed without my brother-in-laws ashes.

Tomorrow is my sister's 74th birthday. I need to go shopping for a few gifts, and get her a cake, flowers and balloons. I'll take her out to lunch tomorrow and then a movie, Hope Springs (looks cute). The weather is suppose to be nice so I thought we'd go for a walk down by the water. Then back to the home for dinner. cake and ice cream. I've decided not to keep her out so late anymore. It's just too much for both of us.

I am incredibly sad today. I'm feeling like death, sickness and dysfunction surrounds me. I know this isn't  a healthy attitude, but I can't seem to pull myself out of this dark hole I've fallen into. I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm feeling a wave of sadness that I haven't felt in a long time.

Today I'm going to try out my new cycling shoes at the gym. I found a video on how the SPD cleats clip onto the pedals. Thank goodness I watched the video or I would never have figured it out. There's a 9:15am class I'm contemplating. I know if I go, it will most likely shake me out of this mood I'm in today. I haven't been to the gym since last weekend. That's probably a big reason why I'm feeling so sad.

That being said, I will now hit the publish button, get dressed in my workout clothes and head to the gym.

Frazzled

Frazzled

frazzledpast participle, past tense of fraz·zle (Verb)Verb:Cause to feel completely exhausted; wear out.Fray: "it's enough to frazzle the nerves".As in "I'm frazzled".

There's just so much going on lately. My father-in-law is in a hospice in Denver, and as the nurse told me two weeks ago, "you do understand he could die any minute?". He's down to about 80 pounds. He looks like he's 110 and he' only 78. My husband has been traveling to Denver every weekend for the past eight weeks. It's taking a toll on him (and me).

Then my sister had a severe blow to the head about two weeks ago. It's a long story, but they think she did it to herself accidentally. No one knows for sure. What really upset me is that no one told me about it. When I discovered the huge lump on her head and the horrible bruising on the entire left side of her head and neck, the owner had audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal and wondered why I was so upset. I'm still seething over this one.

Long story short, I took her to the doctor and it was infected. They put her on antibiotics. Then I had to take her again to the doctor this week for a follow-up visit and they decided since the lump was still huge that they needed to lance it. That was awful! Then an additional antibiotic to prevent MRSA (the flesh eating disease). They said because she was in a home and with an open wound she was susceptible to MRSA. Then a CAT scan which fortunately didn't show a fracture of the skull, just a "large chronic left middle cerebral artery distribution infarct". In case you're wondering, an infarct is a small area of dead tissue from lack of blood supply.

Oh, and let's not forget, I turned 57 on Tuesday. I spent the day with my sister and my husband was still in Denver with his dad. My sister and I did get to have lunch with her best friend from Palm Springs that was traveling through Seattle on her way home from Alaska. We had lunch on the waterfront at Duke's Chowder House. Love that place.

My birthday present to myself, a pair of cycling shoes for spinning class.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but tomorrow, back to the gym and all things healthy!

Frazzled

Frazzled

frazzledpast participle, past tense of fraz·zle (Verb)Verb:Cause to feel completely exhausted; wear out.Fray: "it's enough to frazzle the nerves".As in "I'm frazzled".

There's just so much going on lately. My father-in-law is in a hospice in Denver, and as the nurse told me two weeks ago, "you do understand he could die any minute?". He's down to about 80 pounds. He looks like he's 110 and he' only 78. My husband has been traveling to Denver every weekend for the past eight weeks. It's taking a toll on him (and me).

Then my sister had a severe blow to the head about two weeks ago. It's a long story, but they think she did it to herself accidentally. No one knows for sure. What really upset me is that no one told me about it. When I discovered the huge lump on her head and the horrible bruising on the entire left side of her head and neck, the owner had audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal and wondered why I was so upset. I'm still seething over this one.

Long story short, I took her to the doctor and it was infected. They put her on antibiotics. Then I had to take her again to the doctor this week for a follow-up visit and they decided since the lump was still huge that they needed to lance it. That was awful! Then an additional antibiotic to prevent MRSA (the flesh eating disease). They said because she was in a home and with an open wound she was susceptible to MRSA. Then a CAT scan which fortunately didn't show a fracture of the skull, just a "large chronic left middle cerebral artery distribution infarct". In case you're wondering, an infarct is a small area of dead tissue from lack of blood supply.

Oh, and let's not forget, I turned 57 on Tuesday. I spent the day with my sister and my husband was still in Denver with his dad. My sister and I did get to have lunch with her best friend from Palm Springs that was traveling through Seattle on her way home from Alaska. We had lunch on the waterfront at Duke's Chowder House. Love that place.

My birthday present to myself, a pair of cycling shoes for spinning class.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but tomorrow, back to the gym and all things healthy!

Frazzled

Frazzled

frazzledpast participle, past tense of fraz·zle (Verb)Verb:Cause to feel completely exhausted; wear out.Fray: "it's enough to frazzle the nerves".As in "I'm frazzled".

There's just so much going on lately. My father-in-law is in a hospice in Denver, and as the nurse told me two weeks ago, "you do understand he could die any minute?". He's down to about 80 pounds. He looks like he's 110 and he' only 78. My husband has been traveling to Denver every weekend for the past eight weeks. It's taking a toll on him (and me).

Then my sister had a severe blow to the head about two weeks ago. It's a long story, but they think she did it to herself accidentally. No one knows for sure. What really upset me is that no one told me about it. When I discovered the huge lump on her head and the horrible bruising on the entire left side of her head and neck, the owner had audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal and wondered why I was so upset. I'm still seething over this one.

Long story short, I took her to the doctor and it was infected. They put her on antibiotics. Then I had to take her again to the doctor this week for a follow-up visit and they decided since the lump was still huge that they needed to lance it. That was awful! Then an additional antibiotic to prevent MRSA (the flesh eating disease). They said because she was in a home and with an open wound she was susceptible to MRSA. Then a CAT scan which fortunately didn't show a fracture of the skull, just a "large chronic left middle cerebral artery distribution infarct". In case you're wondering, an infarct is a small area of dead tissue from lack of blood supply.

Oh, and let's not forget, I turned 57 on Tuesday. I spent the day with my sister and my husband was still in Denver with his dad. My sister and I did get to have lunch with her best friend from Palm Springs that was traveling through Seattle on her way home from Alaska. We had lunch on the waterfront at Duke's Chowder House. Love that place.

My birthday present to myself, a pair of cycling shoes for spinning class.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but tomorrow, back to the gym and all things healthy!

Frazzled

Frazzled

frazzledpast participle, past tense of fraz·zle (Verb)Verb:Cause to feel completely exhausted; wear out.Fray: "it's enough to frazzle the nerves".As in "I'm frazzled".

There's just so much going on lately. My father-in-law is in a hospice in Denver, and as the nurse told me two weeks ago, "you do understand he could die any minute?". He's down to about 80 pounds. He looks like he's 110 and he' only 78. My husband has been traveling to Denver every weekend for the past eight weeks. It's taking a toll on him (and me).

Then my sister had a severe blow to the head about two weeks ago. It's a long story, but they think she did it to herself accidentally. No one knows for sure. What really upset me is that no one told me about it. When I discovered the huge lump on her head and the horrible bruising on the entire left side of her head and neck, the owner had audacity to tell me it wasn't a big deal and wondered why I was so upset. I'm still seething over this one.

Long story short, I took her to the doctor and it was infected. They put her on antibiotics. Then I had to take her again to the doctor this week for a follow-up visit and they decided since the lump was still huge that they needed to lance it. That was awful! Then an additional antibiotic to prevent MRSA (the flesh eating disease). They said because she was in a home and with an open wound she was susceptible to MRSA. Then a CAT scan which fortunately didn't show a fracture of the skull, just a "large chronic left middle cerebral artery distribution infarct". In case you're wondering, an infarct is a small area of dead tissue from lack of blood supply.

Oh, and let's not forget, I turned 57 on Tuesday. I spent the day with my sister and my husband was still in Denver with his dad. My sister and I did get to have lunch with her best friend from Palm Springs that was traveling through Seattle on her way home from Alaska. We had lunch on the waterfront at Duke's Chowder House. Love that place.

My birthday present to myself, a pair of cycling shoes for spinning class.

It's been a rough couple of weeks, but tomorrow, back to the gym and all things healthy!

Where are all the fat people?

Where are all the fat people?

I took the day off from work. It was going to be a sort of mental health day for me, and catching up on chores. That idea ended quickly when my husband called as he was on his way to work and said his sister had texted him that their dad's blood pressure was less than 60/40 and the machine couldn't even read it. This is one of the signs that death is near.

My husband rushed home, we made a conference call to the hospice and his dad is doing "okay", and could hang on for days or weeks. He was asking for his Coke so they took that as a sign he's got a little life left in him. Plus he's still flirting with the young nurse, Ashley. She looks a lot like my mother-in-law did when she was young, absolutely gorgeous (they're divorced). Ashely calls my father-in-law her Romeo. He always wants a  hug and kiss from her. Guess he's not dead yet.

The hospice urged us to make arrangements for cremation, which we were suppose to do Monday, but my husband is really having a hard time dealing with everything. I called a few cremation services in Denver and made the arrangements. My husband headed back to work at noon.

I'm not close to my father-in-law, but watching my husband being torn apart over this is hard. In addition, he just started a new job two months ago so he can't really take time off and sit by his dad's bedside waiting for him to die.

So I bet you're wondering about the title of this post, "Where are all the fat people?". Well, I just back from the gym. I realized today why I hate my gym so much. I am the fattest and oldest person there, by at least 80 pounds and at least 20+ years. Everyone is height, weight proportionate, muscled or toned and they all appear to be under 30. I can't figure our what happened to all the fat, out-of-shape people that went to my old Ballys before they closed. I miss them!

My favorite thing at the gym, lifting free weights, isn't very fun anymore. First of all the free weight area is really tiny at L.A. Fitness compared to my old Ballys (it had three weight rooms). Then there are always young, twenty-something guys lifting extremely heavy free weights or cute young girls lifting five and ten-pound weights.

I know I need to get over this, and I belong there as much as they do, but I feel awkward and out of place. I never felt like this at Ballys. It's not going to stop me, and I'll keep going. I really don't have any other choice. I'm not disciplined enough to work out on my own at home, and it's the only gym in the area. Guess I'll just have to deal with being the fattest and the oldest person at the gym.

I found the fat people

I found the fat people

The fat people were grocery shopping this afternoon at my local supermarket. In fact, we looked like we were at a fat people convention.

I went straight from the gym to the grocery store (and yes, I was a hot, sweaty and very unattractive mess...more on that later). I don't remember the last time I shopped on a Saturday afternoon. There were a lot of extremely overweight people there today, and my heart broke a little for each and every one of them. I know first-hand how much this hurts, physically and mentally.

I'd guess the average BMI was 40+. There were a lot of people that appeared to be 250 to 300 pounds (and they weren't seven feet tall!). I'm a pretty good judge of weight. I'm 213 pounds, 5' 6", and I was probably one of the thinner of the fat people.

I really try not to pass judgement on overweight people for buying junk food:  a.) it's none of my business and b.) I've been there. Yet, I couldn't help  myself as I peeked into their grocery baskets. I didn't see anyone even attempting to eat healthy. Mostly processed foods, frozen or canned, and a lot of chips, bakery goods, cookies and candy, and similar unhealthy choices. I wonder how many times someone has looked at my food choices and thought 'oh my goodness, she shouldn't be eating that food...she's already too fat!'.

In an odd way, it actually helped me make really healthy choices. First of all, I'd just come from the gym which is the absolute best time for me to shop for food. When I've just worked out really hard and had a great workout, I truly have no desire to eat junk. Today I was thinking maybe that's the only time I should go grocery shopping, after a workout. Then I saw so many people in my situation, struggling with obesity, it just reinforced what I was already feeling about food. Make healthy choices.

About the gym
I posted a few days ago about how much I dislike my gym, L.A. Fitness. It's filled with young, healthy people. Now, I have nothing against being young or being healthy. I was just having a problem with being the oldest, most unfit person at my gym. The close quarters of the free weights area, filled with young, muscular men, was the most annoying aspect of it. I love working out with free weights, but I was really feeling intimidated by the men.

I found a solution! Today I did most of my free weights in the group class area that was empty. It's a huge room, mirrors on three sides, high ceiling and cooler (temperature) than the rest of the gym. Someone had left a set of 15-pound dumbbells and a 25-pound plate weight. Perfect for three of my upper body exercises. Then I used the 8-pound weights for some deltoids exercises, add in three machines for lats and delts, and I had a great weight workout. I was the only person in there, except for one young woman that came in and did some crunches. I checked the class schedule and there aren't any classes in there Monday, Wednesday and Friday until 8:30am. Perfect!

Of course, there are some bench free weight exercises I still need to do, so I'll have fight for a bench and deal with the all-guy area (that's how I've come to think of it). I'll manage, and like some of you said, I have just as much to be there as they do. 

I also faced the StairMaster today. I've been avoiding it with the logic I'm too fat for the StairMaster. Well, you're never to fat for the StairMaster! I was definitely slower than the guy next to me (yes, he was young and thin), but my average heart rate was 132, and I burned 236 calories in 30 minutes. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, and a lot more "fun" than the elliptical. More of a challenge and you can't cheat.

Food has been nearly perfect today. This is the fourth day in a row of eating healthy and exercising. It feels good to be back.

I found the fat people

I found the fat people

The fat people were grocery shopping this afternoon at my local supermarket. In fact, we looked like we were at a fat people convention.

I went straight from the gym to the grocery store (and yes, I was a hot, sweaty and very unattractive mess...more on that later). I don't remember the last time I shopped on a Saturday afternoon. There were a lot of extremely overweight people there today, and my heart broke a little for each and every one of them. I know first-hand how much this hurts, physically and mentally.

I'd guess the average BMI was 40+. There were a lot of people that appeared to be 250 to 300 pounds (and they weren't seven feet tall!). I'm a pretty good judge of weight. I'm 213 pounds, 5' 6", and I was probably one of the thinner of the fat people.

I really try not to pass judgement on overweight people for buying junk food:  a.) it's none of my business and b.) I've been there. Yet, I couldn't help  myself as I peeked into their grocery baskets. I didn't see anyone even attempting to eat healthy. Mostly processed foods, frozen or canned, and a lot of chips, bakery goods, cookies and candy, and similar unhealthy choices. I wonder how many times someone has looked at my food choices and thought 'oh my goodness, she shouldn't be eating that food...she's already too fat!'.

In an odd way, it actually helped me make really healthy choices. First of all, I'd just come from the gym which is the absolute best time for me to shop for food. When I've just worked out really hard and had a great workout, I truly have no desire to eat junk. Today I was thinking maybe that's the only time I should go grocery shopping, after a workout. Then I saw so many people in my situation, struggling with obesity, it just reinforced what I was already feeling about food. Make healthy choices.

About the gym
I posted a few days ago about how much I dislike my gym, L.A. Fitness. It's filled with young, healthy people. Now, I have nothing against being young or being healthy. I was just having a problem with being the oldest, most unfit person at my gym. The close quarters of the free weights area, filled with young, muscular men, was the most annoying aspect of it. I love working out with free weights, but I was really feeling intimidated by the men.

I found a solution! Today I did most of my free weights in the group class area that was empty. It's a huge room, mirrors on three sides, high ceiling and cooler (temperature) than the rest of the gym. Someone had left a set of 15-pound dumbbells and a 25-pound plate weight. Perfect for three of my upper body exercises. Then I used the 8-pound weights for some deltoids exercises, add in three machines for lats and delts, and I had a great weight workout. I was the only person in there, except for one young woman that came in and did some crunches. I checked the class schedule and there aren't any classes in there Monday, Wednesday and Friday until 8:30am. Perfect!

Of course, there are some bench free weight exercises I still need to do, so I'll have fight for a bench and deal with the all-guy area (that's how I've come to think of it). I'll manage, and like some of you said, I have just as much to be there as they do. 

I also faced the StairMaster today. I've been avoiding it with the logic I'm too fat for the StairMaster. Well, you're never to fat for the StairMaster! I was definitely slower than the guy next to me (yes, he was young and thin), but my average heart rate was 132, and I burned 236 calories in 30 minutes. It wasn't nearly as bad as I expected, and a lot more "fun" than the elliptical. More of a challenge and you can't cheat.

Food has been nearly perfect today. This is the fourth day in a row of eating healthy and exercising. It feels good to be back.